Home For the Holidays
by R Coots
Summary: River detours the ship to Beylix. Jayne's finally going home! This is a good thing, right? Read and Review and I'll love you!
1. Chapter 1

Home for the Holidays

"What in the gorram Hell you two think you're doing?"

Malcom Reynolds' yelling wasn't a new thing aboard _Serenity_. Neither was his yelling at River or Riddick. Or anyone for that matter. But it tended to be a good idea for people to pay attention anyways. And since most of the rest of the crew ignored his vocal outrage unless it was specifically directed at them, it was usually left to her to pay attention. Even if she thought he was probably overreacting again.

So when Mal came stomping by the hatch to her quarters just as she stepped up into the hall, Zoe did her duty and fell into step behind him. After all, someone had to pick up the pieces after he managed to stick his foot in his mouth for the umpteenth time.

But when they entered the galley all they found was River, hunched over the table and studying something on a Cortex pad. Zoe looked around for Riddick, and even edged over to make sure he wasn't in the hall leading down to the engine room. When she looked back up though, she found the man himself, leaning in the hatch behind Mal and grinning at her over the edge of a mug. She blinked, clamped her jaw shut, and turned her attention back to her Captain.

"'Tross," Mal's voice was warning. "What's our ETA to Beaumonde?"

She didn't look up from what she was doing; fiddling with the settings of the Cortex one handed while she dug chopsticks into a bowl of rice with the other. "No ETA. Cannot go to Beaumonde."

Ah. That explained things. Zoe chanced a look in Riddick's direction, and was less than surprised to see he had a finger to his lips. She raised an eyebrow in reply and kept her mouth shut. Whatever the pair had up their sleeves, it must not be anything too 'Verse shattering. Otherwise, the big ex-con would be doing far more than just lounging in the door waiting for the bomb to drop.

"What do you mean, 'Can't go to Beaumonde',"Mal snapped. "We got cargo to deliver. 'Nother job to pick up!"

River shrugged and took another bite of rice. "Shen Li caught. Red Dragon gang was supposed to receive cargo. Very angry that it was taken from them. Will want revenge on everyone involved."

Zoe straightened. What was this? They'd never heard that the cargo they'd stolen was slated to go to a gang! She knew they should have looked a little closer at those manifests.

She looked over at Riddick, wanting confirmation. He could usually translate fairly well for the Reader, and he might know more than she was saying.

That evil grin again, and another sip at the mug. That's all she got before she had to turn her attention back to her Captain, who was having a minor fit. "What," he yelped. "Zoe," he turned on her, and she straightened to take the haranguing. "Zoe, why didn't we know about this?"

Now that Mal wasn't looking at her, River's shoulders started to shake, and she had a fist stuffed in her mouth.

This was going to backfire in a spectacular way. She just knew it. Nevertheless, she gave her Captain the honest answer. "I think it's 'cause you insisted that we need the job Sir. An' we didn't need to worry about who we were stealin' from."

He glared at her. Zoe just raised an eyebrow. She'd had years of practice at keeping a straight face when he was being ridiculous. Finally he huffed and threw up his hands. "Well argue harder next time. Both a' ya. River," he turned back to the girl, who had managed to stop laughing in time to blink innocently up to him. "Beylix?"

Ah. It made sense now. Sort of. She didn't want to look back at Riddick to see if he was going to have any light to shed on things. He might not even be standing in the hatch anymore.

"Can offload cargo there. So many junkyards. So many dealers." The young woman shrugged. "It is not far out of the way. Captain can still get a good price."

Mal's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms. But he couldn't really argue with the logic and he knew it. Finally he huffed and stabbed a finger in her direction. "Fine. We'll go to Beylix. But 'Tross, next time you give me a heads up before you start changing plans like that, _dong ma_?"

Her face was dead serious as she nodded. "_Shi shi_."

"Good," Mal spun on his heel, muttering under his breath about Readers and telling the crew. His distraction didn't last long. "Gyaah," he yelped, and reached instinctively for his gun. Zoe clamped her lips together on a laugh.

Riddick tilted his head and took another sip of whatever he was drinking as he stepped aside so Mal could get to the stairs. The murderer had come down to deck level sometime while no one was looking. Zoe wouldn't have laid money on him doing it just to spook the Captain. Why bet on a sure thing?

"You're just as bad as she is," Mal grumbled as he stepped around the other man and headed out of the galley."

Zoe waited to speak till his stomping footsteps had faded a bit. There was hot water on the heater, so she made herself a cup of tea as she eyed the pair. They were watching her back, and it was a less than comforting feeling. All that smugness in the air.

"So," she said as she dunked the teabag in the water. "Beylix?"

No answer.

"Jayne's got people there."

River's grin was like a sunrise, and Zoe wanted to groan as her suspicions were confirmed. "There's no connection with the Red Dragons is there?"

River laughed and flopped her hand back and forth in a sort of wishy-washy fashion. Riddick just propped a hip on the table. "Nah. But noise on the Cortex say Shen's being that special sort of stupid that gets people caught by badges. Why walk right into the trap? Especially with stolen goods?"

Sometimes that man was too creepifyn' for words. He'd been a murderer. A convict. Escaped and chased all over his corner of the galaxy. And then he up and said something that reminded a body just how it was he survived for so long. And that he paid a lot more attention than one might guess to how all the different aspects of being a criminal could reach up and bite you in the _pi gu_ if you weren't careful. How many people did she know of in this business who thought like that?

"Kaylee got to visit her family," River said, shoving the Cortex in Riddick's direction. "It has been years since Jayne has seen his. Don't you think he misses them?"

Zoe blinked in surprise, then looked down at her tea. It was turning darker and darker, almost to the point of being too strong. She hadn't ever thought about it, but she guessed it made sense. The man did send a fair bit of money back to his home planet. And he'd gotten the occasional letter or package over the years. But it was hard to reconcile the blustering whoremonger with a man who cared about visiting the home he'd left. She'd never even wondered how it came to be _that_ he left. Just always assumed he'd been chased off or run from Feds.

Riddick snorted, but wasn't looking at her when she lifted her head to glare at him. River though, River was watching her with a sort of sympathy in her eyes. "They took Christmas from him," she said seriously. "Now he's earned it back."

Zoe nearly spit out the mouthful of tea she'd taken. Gasping and sputtering, she did the math. It came out the same the second time.

This wasn't going to end well.

River ran right over the top of her mental protests. "Kaylee got to see her family," she repeated in a stern voice. "Jayne can introduce his new one to his old one. No better time for it. "

Visions of Mal in an apoplectic rage danced through Zoe's mind. Followed swiftly by Kaylee's reaction to getting to celebrate an actual holiday. And then Sierra's reaction to the news. _Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiouh doh sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo._

Desperate, she turned to Riddick. He had enough trouble putting up with the crew on a daily basis. What was it going to be like to deal with this crazy pile of people, added into whatever Jayne's family must be like? All high on celebrating the New Year? The words popped out of her mouth before she could stop them. "What's in this for you," she asked. "All this holiday stuff? Extra special sexin'?"

That brought his head up from whatever he'd been looking at on the Cortex. River had frozen, chopsticks full of rice halfway to her mouth.

Oh _go se,_ she'd really put her foot in it this time. Too much time around the Captain. Not that that was any excuse.

Finally those broad shoulders lifted in a shrug, and different version of a smile crawled across the man's face. Something in her quailed, but she straightened her spine and her shoulders to take whatever he decided to dish out.

"That how you got your husband talked around," he asked in a low voice. "Way I hear it-"

The bowl of rice hit the side of his face with a wet _thud_. Snarling and sputtering, the man wiped the mess from his face and lunged for River. Zoe registered the scuffle with only half of her mind, the rest of it having frozen up in shock and pain as Riddick's words rang through her ears. Something in her chest hurt, and she thought she might be breathing, but she wasn't quite sure. She could still see her man, pinned in that pilot's seat by a harpoon the size of a tree. She could still hear his laugh, and his constant joking about anything that crossed his mind. She missed it so badly.

"Hey."

The voice was rough, and almost harsher for its quietness. She caught a flicker of motion from the corner of her eye and yanked her head around to stare. Jayne. When had he?

His hand was dropping to his side, like he'd reached out to touch her. Sierra had hold of the other hand, and her fingers were swallowed up in his palm. Beautiful eyes, her father's eyes, were looking up at her with worry and concern.

"Mama," she asked. "Mama what's wrong?"

Blinking moisture from her eyes, Zoe bent to drop a kiss on her daughter's forehead, smoothing back the wiry curls that had escaped her pigtails. "Nothin honey," she said. "Just rememberin' your pa."

Jayne's hand twitched, but she elected to ignore the odd reaction. Instead she straightened and reached for her daughter's free hand. "You know where we're goin' honey?"

Sierra shook her head. Zoe grinned. At least she could give her this. A real holiday for once. Planetside and everything. Provided Mal could be talked into staying for a couple of days. And if the timing worked out, there might even be snow. "We're goin someplace new. To Beylix. Won't that be fun?"

Sierra's eyes lit up, and she bounced up on her toes like she was made of springs. Zoe let her chatter run over her head as she shot a look towards Jayne. The galley behind him was empty, and she realized that River must have herded Riddick out somehow. Which was good. She might have tried to shoot him otherwise. She still might.

But that was for later. Now she was caught by the look on Jayne's face. He'd gone ashen, and his eyes were huge as the muscles in his jaw clenched and unclenched.

Zoe stared. Now if there was a reaction she hadn't expected out of the man, this would be it. Shouldn't he be happy? Man never shut up when his mom sent a letter. Shouldn't he be looking forward to a chance to see her again?

Sierra whimpered and twisted and Zoe blinked at her. Oh. Jayne still had hold of her hand, and he was probably about to squeeze it off. His knuckles weren't white, but his grip was tightening and a little girl couldn't take the pain like he could. Another whimper, and the man seemed to notice where he was again. He let go of Sierra like she was a hot coal, and Zoe crouched to check on her daughter. Other than having all the blood squeezed from her fingers, she seemed fine.

Zoe sighed as Jayne tried to mutter apologies to the little girl.

This trip was going to go great.

**Author's Note: ** So I got this bug in my brain. It needed to be exorcised. Unfortunately, it's a wordy sort of multichapter bug. Be patient! There's a point!

This is, by the way, several months after HHYFN.

They are also, sadly, not mine. But oh if they were!

_dong ma-_ understand

_Shi shii _ sure, sure

_Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiouh doh sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo.- _Everything in space is stuffed up my ass.

_go se- _shit


	2. I'll Be Home for Christmas

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Snow crunched and squeaked under their boots in that particular way that only snow could. Every third step on the scraped off surface brought a fresh yelp and a scramble to catch footing. That, or a dull thud as the unfortunate victim lost the war with gravity and found a new place on their body to bruise. Or worse yet, a spot that was _already_ bruised.

But it was worth it to watch Sierra lead Jayne and River on a mad scramble through the drifts in the corners of their docking area. Mal had stayed inside, muttering about kids, weather, and pretty much anything he could come up with. Zoe shook her head and went back to prepping the mule. They didn't have a buyer yet for the goods, but that was ok. The longer Mal took to find one, the more time Sierra had to learn about snow angels and snow men. Even if they were a dingy sort of gray.

Riddick came stalking out into the cargo bay from the direction of the common room and Zoe turned away so he wouldn't see her expression. The man had thrown an old hooded sweatshirt on over his usual clothes. And between the tattered cuffs and hem and the hole getting started in one elbow, it'd do him about as much good in this weather as it would have if he hadn't been wearing it at all. He had made a concession to the snow falling outside and pulled the hood up, but all that did was make him look like some sort of modern grim reaper. Not a sight to inspire confidence.

"Can still tell you're laughing," the man muttered as he came up behind her. Zoe flinched, and scowled at Mal as he grinned at her across the mule. Riddick chuckled, low and dark, and kept on going. Thank goodness. She still wasn't sure where she stood with the man after having kidney punched him a few months ago.

Simon and Kaylee were the next arrivals; the Doc laughing and fussing in turns as he braced Kaylee's wobbling progress through the hatch Riddick had just come out of. The mechanic was wrapped and bundled within an inch of her life; and even if she hadn't been massively pregnant she still wouldn't have been able to walk properly. Mal choked and sputtered and Zoe shot him a look just as he opened his mouth. It was too little too late.

"What the gorram hell you wearing Kaylee? Every bit of winter gear on the ship?"

The young woman's face went still, then red. Zoe groaned to herself. Here it came.

"So what if I am Cap'n! It's cold out there!" She tried to stomp in their direction and only ended up nearly toppling over on her face. Simon lunged to catch her before she landed, and nearly got dragged over himself. Zoe swallowed her laugh and went to help the unfortunate pair.

At the foot of the ramp Jayne came to a skidding stop, nearly tripped over the line between snow and metal, and continued into the ship, stomping the snow from his boots as he came. "Mal, you are about the dumbest man I ever heard of, comes ta womenfolk, ya know that."

"Hey," Mal yelped as Zoe hooked an arm under Kaylee's and helped Simon haul her upright. "That's _fay-fay d'pian! _Just cause I don't pay every woman I meet don't mean I'm an ignorant ass."

"Nah. But the way you talk before you think does," Riddick was leaning against the opened bay doors, and for all intents and purposes seemed to be watching River teach Sierra how to make snow balls. Zoe had a sinking feeling they'd soon be flying into the interior of the ship. Which was probably why Riddick was keeping an eye on them. If past experience was anything to judge by, he'd be the first target.

She never got a chance to see her suspicions confirmed. Mal was still sputtering and pointing an impotent finger at Riddick's back. Kaylee had made it to the mule and was huffing as she braced herself against it. Simon was holding back a smirk as he tried to help unwind one of her many scarves, and Inara was just coming down the stairs from the upper deck when they heard the shout.

"Ezekiel Jayne Cobb!"

What in the 'Verse?!

Zoe whipped around to stare in the direction of the yelling. Jayne had frozen in the entry to the bay, his face a picture of horror.

"You _liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze_!What the gorram Hell you think you're do'n, landin' here!"

A woman was standing out in front of the ship, wrapped in a coat and her fists on her hips. It was hard to see her face behind the scarf she was wearing, but the hard blue eyes snapping out at the world were as close to Jayne's as Zoe'd ever seen. Who the hell?

She looked back at Jayne, and was surprised to see real fear on his face. His shoulders had hunched and his eyes were screwed shut like he could deny the existence of the woman behind his, so long as he didn't look.

"Jayne," Mal said warningly. "What-"

He didn't get a chance to finish. The woman was stomping forward, completely ignoring the way Riddick loomed between her and her target. Or the way River was slipping up behind her, hands spread wide and weight on the balls of her feet. Zoe dropped a hand to her gun, but she didn't want to draw quite yet. Not till she figured out who this was.

"Ezekiel," the woman snapped again. "You lost all your manners?

Jayne winced. "No."

The woman had gotten to him though, and spun him around with a hard hand on one arm. Zoe glanced over at her Captain, hoping he'd have some sort of insight. All she got was a mouthed "Ezekiel?" She shook her head. No help there.

Then River's laugh rang through the air, followed shortly by Riddick's lower rumble. But those were background distractions to the actual drama going on in front of her. And it was very good drama, all things considered. The woman had Jayne be the shoulders and was shaking him, hard. "Why didn' ya tell us you were comin'? Why didn' ya call anyone, eh?"

Jayne was silent. Zoe was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. The name, for one thing. What was going on with the name? And why did Jayne look like someone had just force fed him a bucket of live eels?

"Ma'm," Mal started again. "As much fun as it is yellin' at him, I really do need to ask. Who the hell are you?"

"Really Mal," Inara had made to the bottom of the stairs and was wrapping her shawl a little more closely around her shoulders. "Isn't it obvious? They're related."

More sputtering. An awed curse from Simon. Zoe blinked and looked a little harder. The eyes had been the first tip off. The yelling should have been the second. But now that the woman was closer, she could see it in the build and the way she stood, even with all the winter gear in the way. River and Riddick's laughter made a little more sense now.

"Hey! You leave him alone!"

Oh _go se_. She'd forgotten about Sierra. And so, apparently, had everyone else. The little snow covered terror popped around the corner of the ship, scrambled up the ramp, and latched onto the strange woman's pant leg. She made exactly zero progress in getting the woman moving. In fact, it was a little like watching a small dog go after a much bigger one.

Sighing, Zoe started forward.

Jayne got to the little girl first, bending down to grab her by the shoulders. "Hey now. What've you been taught 'bout attackin' strange folk? 'S an awful good way ta get yourself hurt."

"Strange," the woman yelped. Jayne gave Sierra his best scary-man scowl, ignoring the high volume protests from his relative as to her likelihood of ever doing harm to a child. Even if it was a kid too brazen for her own good.

Zoe edged around the waving arms and flying ends of the scarves and caught her daughter by the back of the hood. "You know better 'n that," she snapped at her, praying her child would understand that now wasn't the time for a fit. "Get into the bay."

The lower lip popped out. The face scrunched up. Tears gathered in the corners of those beautiful blue eyes. It was an admirable performance.

"Now," she barked. Sierra's shoulders slumped and she turned around and trudged into the bay. But not before aiming a kick at the strange woman's ankle.

"Now," Zoe looked up to meet the angry gaze of the she-Jayne. "Ma'm. Would ya mind telling us who you are?" She could see Mal coming around the other side of the mule and tried to tell him with her eyes that he needed to stay back. Better that he keep his foot out of his mouth as long as possible.

Unfortunately, it seemed like no one was safe. The woman glared, turned, and shoved Jayne right in the chest. "You! You couldn't even tell them you've got folk here? What? We not good enough for the great spacefaring Ezekiel Cobb?"

"_Ye soo_ woman," Jayne snapped as he caught his balance. "It ain't like that at all! Would ya simmer down?" He was rubbing his chest like she'd actually hurt him, but something in his face made Zoe frown. She'd spent a lot of years getting familiar with the various angry faces of Jayne. Or Ezekiel. Or whoever this woman thought he was. But she'd never seen this variation before. What in the 'Verse?

"Waaait a minute here," Mal had made it around the mule and drawn his gun, though he was keeping it pointed at the deck for now. "Kin?"

That was her Captain. Sharp as a pin that one.

"You have kin here? In this city? And you never-" Mal stopped and clenched his jaw. "River!"

A giggle was his only answer. Zoe turned to look for the Reader. She was leaning against Riddick and had both mittened hands clamped over her face. The murderer looked mildly put out at being reduced to furniture, and had crossed his arms over his chest as he glowered down at the girl. No help there either.

"River gorramit! This what you changed course for!?" Mal holstered his gun and stomped over to his main pilot. "Arranging family reunions and blow'n our job on Beaumonde?"

She just kept giggling. Zoe sighed and looked over at Inara. But the woman was looking puzzled; and she remembered after a moment that even Jayne didn't know about River's ulterior motive in this little jaunt. Looked like it was up to her. Damn.

"Seems it was about to get a little hard to find work on Beaumonde sir," Zoe said as calmly as she could, praying he'd understand. Who knew where Jayne's relative stood when it came to lawmen. "River seemed to think we'd have better luck here."

Mal threw his hands in the air and stomped over to her. She concentrated on some point on the bridge of his nose. And on blinking. Same as she always did when he was throwing a fit in her face. So far it seemed to be working. Although if River kept snickering like that it wouldn't for much longer.

But Kaylee intervened before he could blow off the head of steam currently whistling out his ears. "I think it's a shiny idea," the mechanic said as she waddled forward, one of Sierra's hands in hers. "I got to go see my people. Why shouldn't Jayne get to see his?"

As ways to settle down a fight went, that wasn't one of Kaylee's best efforts. But it wasn't for lack of try on her part. Maybe it was just the fact that the people she was trying to appease were all to volatile to respond well to sympathy and logic. In short order, the attempt had blown up in her face in a truly spectacular way. The stranger started yelling again. Jayne started yelling back, and Mal threw his hands in the air and added his voice to the mix.

Zoe blinked at all of them, and then looked over Inara. The look of exasperation on the Companion's face wasn't promising. Only half hoping, she glanced back at River. Riddick's face spoke for both of them. She was on her own.

Grumbling and muttering in her head, Zoe stomped down the ramp, caught herself as her feet nearly flew out from under her on the scraped off snow, and drew her gun. One shot later, off into the ground at her side, and she had everyone's attention. Unfortunately, she didn't really have a plan for what to do next, and she stared at all the startled-and smirking-faces. Here was hoping they'd stay quiet long enough for her to come up with an idea

Luckily Inara came to the rescue, and with her usual grace and tact, got them all into the ship and out of sight of anyone who might come poking around for the source of all the noise. Zoe trailed the group, making sure Kaylee still had hold of Sierra as the whole muttering pile of them trooped into the common room.

"Ok," Mal said once they were all down the short flight of stairs. "Without any of the yellin'; what the hell is goin' on here? Better yet," he frowned at the woman who was still bundled up in her coat and scarf. "Who are you?"

The woman yanked off her hat and scarf and wadded them up. Then she threw them at Jayne. "I'm his gorram sister, that's who I am. And he's the _ta ma de_ moron who didn't even tell his family he was comin' home!"

Zoe blinked. Looked at them both. Blinked again.

"I was gonna come visit," Jayne snarled back. "Just cause it's not the first thing I did when we hit dirt, don't mean you gotta storm in an' pitch a fit. How'd you know we was comin' anyway?"

The woman snorted and peeled off her mitts. "You left all your brains out in space. Didn' ya remember Ashley works these docks? He told me your ship was comin' in. Recognized the name." She propped her hands on her hips and glared at the sputtering man who was still clutching at the winter gear she'd just thrown in his face.

Zoe schooled her expression into the best impassive mask she could manage and thought furiously. Had River known this was likely to happen? Was that why she'd set them down in this particular set of docks? It wasn't like they'd needed to choose one dingy patch of ground over another. All the docks ringed the city, and without a specific contact waiting for them Mal hadn't really cared where they landed, so long as the docking fees didn't break the bank.

Looking over at the young Reader, Zoe decided that she had most definitely known this was a likely occurrence. And she would have laid money on her planning to tip off the man's family if they hadn't found him first. Had he really been planning to go and see them? Why hadn't he mentioned anything to any of them?

One look at his face and she had the answer. Or what she thought might be the answer. His face was a picture of stubborn misery, and his fingers had gone white where they clutched at the scarf and hat. She must have missed some of the conversation, but he and sister were still snapping at each other and it didn't look like they were about to stop. Inara was standing between them, hands up in a calming gesture as she tried to get them both to quiet down, but she wasn't making any progress either.

A quick check of her Captain proved that he'd pulled out of the argument for the time being. One hand pinching the bridge of his nose, he'd gone to rail quietly at River. The Reader was taking the verbal abuse with all the grace of an insulted cat. How she managed to look down her nose as a man so much taller than her was both a mystery and a miracle, but Zoe figured she had enough practice and could probably handle herself.

On looking for her daughter she found Kaylee and Simon as well. The Doc was getting them both unwound from their winter gear with the sort of brisk efficiency that reminded the first mate of just what profession he'd chosen in the first place. She swore the man _thrived_ under pressure. But he kept darting looks at the arguing siblings, like he was judging minimum safe distance. Wise of him.

"Why're ya 'shamed a' your own family, eh? Think now you're all traveled, you don' need ta see any a' us," the woman had gotten around Inara and was poking Jayne in the chest. The pokes got harder and her voice got louder with every word, and Jayne's face was getting redder by the second. Any minute now, Zoe thought. Any minute and his temper was going to get the better of him and then they'd really have trouble on their hands.

But instead he hunched his shoulders, clutching the bundle of winter gear to his chest. His head was down and his lips bared in a snarl that looked like it'd be more at home on Riddick's face than his. "Gorramit Sue," he barked. "I was comin'. How many times I gotta tell ya that?"

It registered then, what his plan might have been. Zoe knew that she'd known he had kin here. They all had, in a vague sort of way. But River and Riddick had apparently kept their plotting to themselves, and she herself hadn't seen any reason to bring it up. She'd sort of expected he'd go to visit his Ma at least, and the brother with Damp Lung. But she hadn't expected him to make any big deal about it. If she had to take a guess, he had probably been planning on leaving once the chores were done, under cover of his usual rounds at the whorehouses.

As for why, well that wasn't hard to figure on. It was dangerous, what they did. They could drag trouble back to their families. Could lead the Feds and bounty hunters and who knew what other sort of badness right to the doorstep of those they loved most. It was a thing that made her grateful sometimes for not having any family left, even though it hurt like hell too.

But with Jayne, she doubted it was just the trouble that could follow him back. She'd missed out on a lot of the action on Higgin's Moon all those years ago. But she remembered how he came to be on their crew. And she remembered years of looking over her shoulder, watching the Captain's back and waiting for the betrayal they all knew was inevitable. It hadn't been till long after the Broadwave that she'd realized the knife wasn't gonna come. That he was crew. Family now.

But that didn't change the man he'd been.

It didn't take long for those thoughts to run through her head. Just the space of a heartbeat or two. But in that time the room had fallen silent. The woman, Sue, stared at Jayne. Ezekiel? She had crossed her arms and the resemblance was even clearer in the strong jaw, clenched of course, and dark hair. The crew held their breath, waiting for the next explosion.

"Well why don't we all go," Kaylee asked as she pressed a hand to her back and straightened up. "Jayne'll get to see his kin. An' we'll get ta meet the people what raised him. Gotta be some sort of folk, come up with a man like Jayne."

Was it her imagination or did Jayne nearly choke? He certainly went white as a sheet, and his jaw flapped as he stared at the chipper woman who was grinning at him from across the room.

"Shiny," Mal said, "Sounds like a plan."

Zoe cringed inside. He meant it. And he was probably going to make this as humiliating as possible for Jayne.

Sure enough, her Captain walked over and clapped Jayne on the shoulder. "And maybe on the way there, you can explain how your name seems ta be Ezekiel. Sure sounds like it'll be a _fine_ story."

**Author's Note:** Poor Jayne. He's so screwed. And what's with that name thing anyways? We'll find out. I promise!

Please, please, please review if you like it. Or if you don't. It's the only way I know how my work affects people (in that they want to strangle me, or if they like what I've done, etc)

They are, of course, not mine. Boo. Hiss.

Many thanks to Shenandoah76209 for being my sounding board and overall encourager!

Speaking of whom: Heh. I don't know Riddick sees it as foot in mouth. I think he's being honest, likes to screw with people's heads, and River's the only one who dares retaliate so openly. And he's stuck with her. Here's to a lifetime of getting food and whatever else lays to hand chucked at him whenever he gets too mean!

_fay-fay d'pian-_ big fat lie

_liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze-_ stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey

_go se-_ shit

_Ye soo-_ Jesus

_ta ma de-_ mother fucking


	3. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

They ended up taking both shuttles, a decision reached after much muttering, squinting, head tallies, and an abortive attempt to fit everyone one into the second shuttle. The first four or five people fit fine. But all the coats and winter gear they were still wearing didn't help. And Sierra just couldn't sit still. She hadn't stopped watching Jayne's sister like a dog might watch a rattlesnake, but that didn't stop her from bouncing everywhere. If she could have caught her, Zoe would have stuffed her daughter in a bit of cargo netting and left her to hang from the ceiling for the duration of the ride.

And then Riddick stepped up into the hatch. Broad shoulders blocked the light from the cargo bay, and he stood there a moment, watching the bustle and listening to the chatter. Zoe watched him back, wondering if he'd make for the nose of the shuttle where River had gone to hide, or if he'd take his chances with keeping his temper amidst the pile of crew and coats and assorted winter gear.

The pair had been making remarkable progress lately in the area of not climbing each other at the drop of the hat. And along with that seemed to have come a marked tendency in purposefully avoiding each other. As if they were testing themselves. Zoe decided she approved, so long as the big man kept his temper intact and didn't start drawing steel on every single person who looked at him cross eyed.

So it might have been the crowding. It might have been the shouting. It might have even been the man's own form of self-discipline. But in any case, he finished his survey of the packed shuttle and turned right around. River promptly popped out of the cockpit area of the shuttle, scrambled over the assorted legs and arms and bodies in her way, and lunged out the door after him. Zoe plastered herself against the bulkhead and shared a look with Inara. It was just as likely all the 'family' had hit their resident murderer in the face and he'd balked as it was that he'd just up and decided he didn't want to deal with any more yelling.

So while Jayne's sister had sputtered about rudeness and burning daylight and who _was_ that chit anyways; Zoe listened for sounds of a struggle out on the catwalk. What she got instead was a yelp from Simon and Kaylee's exasperated "Really you two, I'd like ta sit down if it's all the same ya you. Would ya stop with the bickerin'?"

A pause, and a low rumble from Riddick. Another moment, and then Kaylee stuck her head in. She blinked at the crush of too many people in too small a space, then waved over at Mal. Man looked like he was about to hyperventilate, and the realization that his very pregnant mechanic still hadn't made it into the shuttle seemed as if it was going to be the last straw.

"Cap'n," Kaylee called. "Simon an' I are gonna go with Riddick in the other shuttle. We'll meet ya there, k?"

Mal didn't have a chance to answer. Sierra had whipped around faster than a squirrel and latched on to the most important part of that announcement. "Can I go? Can I can I can I?"

Zoe couldn't tell if she was the one who was supposed to give permission, or Mal or Kaylee or even Riddick. Probably Riddick, if she was going to be honest. Safe in the knowledge that the big man couldn't see her, she rolled her eyes. Jayne or Riddick. It always came down to Jayne or Riddick. Honestly, she didn't know what it was about the two that fascinated her daughter so much. What she did know was that the girl was going to be an absolute _terror_ once she got to an age when she could see men like that not as tolerant uncles but as prospective partners. Here was hoping they'd all still be alive then, to run the _hwoon dahns_ off.

Kaylee was already reaching for Sierra's hand, and apparently permission wasn't a thing to be worried about. Zoe shook her head, caught her daughter before she could bounce all the way out of the shuttle, and warned her that she'd better listen to whatever the adults said. Or. Else. And considering that it was Riddick's quarters she could possibly destroy, she knew that whatever the man came up with as punishment for girl was probably going to be a doozy. After all, look at what he'd done when she wouldn't stay out of his knife stash.

She caught Jayne's sister watching her from across the shuttle as they disengaged from the ship, River having scrambled back into the pilot's seat. It was the sort of look a person got when they were trying to figure out the true dynamics of a group, matching this person to that and attempting to place their relationships. Zoe cocked an eyebrow in response, and to her credit the woman didn't try and hide her interest any long. "Yours I'm assumin'" she asked.

Zoe nodded and locked a hand around the edge of her seat. River knew how to fly this thing, but the girl was still a might…sudden on the turns.

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"An' her father? He that big hulk what likes to loom in doorways?"

Zoe froze, mind blank and heart clenched like it had just been hit with an electric shock. Around her she heard the various conversations stutter to a halt, and the shuttle sidled to the side as River yipped and turned around in her chair.

Right. Mind reader. Who couldn't block everything out, especially in such a crowded space.

Pushing aside mental images of her man pinned to a chair, head lolling and not a breath in his body; Zoe clenched and unclenched her hands on the edge of the bench and focused on the deck plates under her boots. They needed washed. When was the last time anyone had cleaned out this shuttle? Had anyone _ever_ cleaned this place out? Maybe she should do that, next time they hit a planet that was having summer instead of midwinter.

River must have turned back around, because the shuttle leveled out and the girl started barking responses to port control into the comm system. But Zoe found she was mesmerized by the raised grid of the deck. So orderly. So neat. Everything in its place. Except at the edges. They didn't quite square up; just like the shards of her still broken heart.

It had been _years_. Was it ever not going to hit her like this?

A worn leather boot entered her field of vision, and she looked up when it nudged her in the leg. Jayne was watching her, face unreadable. He quirked an eyebrow at her, and it was just embarrassing enough for _Jayne_ of all people to be to one to snap her out of her funk that she mustered up the gumption to give him a flat look. As responses went it was fairly weak, but at least it was something.

He smirked and sat back, and just like that, she caught the humor. Her. And Riddick. And a baby. Setting aside the absolute impossibility of the man having any interest in her if River was around; it was ludicrous in and of herself. Her. And Riddick! Might as well live through the end of the 'Verse first!

Jayne's sister was still waiting for her answer, same as everyone else. So Zoe pulled a laugh up from someplace inside that wasn't crying and managed something like a real smile. "Him? No. Not in a million years. Nah," she shrugged and clung a little tighter to that ridiculous mental image of Riddick showing her any sort of affection. "Lost my man 'fore she was born."

"Oh." That seemed to take the woman back a bit. "I'm sorry."

Zoe shrugged. "Was a long time ago," she said. And tried not to notice the looks that everyone, even Jayne, were trying not to let show. They'd all been family. They'd all felt the loss of their crewmates. It was just that none of them had been married to one of them.

The rest of the flight was short and quiet. Sue had offered to give River directions to their destination, but Jayne had grumbled something to the effect of knowing where he was and his memory not being _that_ bad. Whether he was actually giving River directions while he stood up in the nose of the shuttle, or if he was just muttering to himself while the girl pulled the location from his head didn't matter in the end. They got there in one piece, and that's all they could really ask for considering the circumstances.

Weak sun slanted through gray clouds and turned the snow to silver as they landed and popped the hatch. Across the way Riddick was setting the second shuttle down in a flurry of snow and Zoe wondered how hard he'd pushed the thing to catch up with them. And then she hoped that none of his passengers had managed to get on the wrong side of his temper.

But there wasn't time for that now. She caught the impression of two stories, weathered paint, and smoke coming out of a chimney before she noticed that someone was coming out onto the porch. Stooped and bowed at the shoulders, the man raised his white head and looked in their direction. "Jayne," she said over her shoulder. "Better get out here."

Sue made it through the hatch first, took one look at the welcoming committee, and sighed explosively. "Well. Could be worse I guess."

Then Jayne came out. He froze midstep, and Zoe watched his face go through a complicated set of maneuvers that were probably meant to show some sort of emotion-or emotions- but in the end only made him look constipated. He muttered "Aw hell," under his breath and tried to turn around.

Tried, because Mal was standing in his way, hand out to catch Jayne's shoulder and stop him mid-turn. "Aw no. This I gotta see. Prodigal son and all. Get on out there _Ezekiel_. Say hi to your family."

Behind him, River dissolved into giggles.

Jayne's shoulders slumped and he turned back around. The man on the stoop had been joined by another figure, this one much more spry than the man. There was a feminine shriek, and whoever it was came leaping off the porch. The voice wasn't shrill, but it carried, and as the woman came closer Zoe was able to make out a sort of general impression of what she looked like.

Shorter than she'd expected, solid around the middle but not fat, the woman had sun weathered skin and Jayne's eyes. Her jaw was softer though, and the wisps of salt and pepper hair framing her face softened it even further.

It didn't take her long to make it over to the shuttle, and she hit Jayne like a small whirlwind, trailing a babble of Chinese to the effect of "Her boy was home!" and "Oh happy day," and an assortment of other gibberish that might have made more sense if she hadn't been half crying. Jayne staggered back under the onslaught, trying to steady himself and the woman while not falling backwards through the hatch of the shuttle. But if she wasn't mistaken, Zoe would have said she could see a faint smile on her crewmate's face.

She stood back to give them some space, shouldering Mal to the side and stepping on his foot when he would have opened his mouth. Probably to put his foot in it. Honestly, couldn't the man remember what it was like to have family to come home to?

Now the woman was crying outright, and Jayne was patting her awkwardly on the back as he blinked hard and refused to meet the eyes of any of his crew. His sister was standing back, arms crossed and a superior look on her face, and Zoe found herself suddenly wanting to punch the woman. Did she think this was all her idea? Did she think it was an _accident_ they ended up on this planet?

Which reminded her. Where were the culprits of this little jaunt?

River wasn't hard to spot. She'd gone over to the house, and was currently giving the man on the porch an arm to lean on as he made his cautious way across the snow. Zoe had a brief thought he was probably going to die of pneumonia or something, coming out in the cold at his age, but there was nothing for it now. But where was…

A snort behind her scared about a year of life out of her, and she twisted around to come face to shoulder with Riddick. The man smirked at her before going back to watching Jayne try to comfort his semi-hysterical mother. He wasn't having much luck, mainly because every time she managed to get the chatter and the sobs under control shed lean back, take another look at him, and burst into a fresh round of half sobbing laughter.

"Start'n ta guess why he was wantin' ta come on his own."

Zoe gave her Captain a _look _and forebore to remind him the he was the one who'd insisted on making a big deal about things in the first place. It was a good thing he knew her so well. He'd get the message.

"Oh but lookit me," Jayne's mother pulled back just enough to wipe at her streaming eyes. "Standin' here an' ignoring alla you're friends."

Out of the corner of her eye, Zoe saw Inara bite her knuckle on a grin.

"I think they'll forgive you Joanna." River had managed to get the older man over to the rest of the group, and Zoe was startled to see that he was wearing the collar of a priest. But she didn't have much of a chance to wonder at it before the proverbial tea kettle went off.

"Abram," Jayne's mother half yelped. "What are you do'n out here? With no coat or hat! You'll catch your death you will!"

And with no further warning she caught the man through the elbow and started hauling him back across the yard, trailing calls of "Well, come in then, come in! There's plenty a space inside and warmth is one thing we're not short on.

Zoe looked at Jayne, who was frowning after his mother. The look didn't last long though, and he visibly shook himself, sighed, and started out. "Ya'll heard 'er. Best head inside 'fore she drags us in herself."

It wasn't until they were all tromping up the porch steps after him that Zoe thought to look for Kaylee again. Poor girl. She just didn't move so fast these days. And that ice.

She shouldn't have worried. When she stopped on the bottom step, ready to go back and help Simon get the mechanic across the icy yard, she discovered that someone had already thought of them. Riddick curled a lip as he stalked up, and she knew if she said one word he'd probably drop Kaylee right there, just to be ornery. But what she would have given for a capture device at that moment.

Speaking of capture.

Zoe reached out and snagged her daughter by the collar before she could prance up the steps ahead of the big man and somehow manage to trip him up. Not that he couldn't catch himself, and possibly even Kaylee, but having a five year old bundle of energy trotting around his heels like a sheep dog probably wasn't helping matters none.

Pushing her daughter ahead of her with what she hoped was a gentle hand, Zoe got the door to the house open and stepped inside just in time to hear Jayne going through the list of crew members who'd already made it out of the cold. "An' this here's Zoe. That little terror there is Sierra," he was saying, and Zoe got a firmer grip on her daughter before the 'little terror' could go and do something absolutely mortifying. Like latch on to Jayne's mother, or worse, somehow manage to bring down the preacher. Man was lookin' none to steady on his feet, even off the ice.

It didn't matter none. She should have been bracing herself for something else entirely.

"And who's this fine young man," Jayne's mother asked.

Zoe blinked. Looked around.

"Ain't that just the sweetest thing. Do'n for his girl like that!"

Oh. Oh _go se_.

Zoe looked back at Riddick, who was just sidling through the door; and nearly choked at the look on his face. If she'd thought he was capable of blushing, she'd have swore that's what he was doing. But this was Riddick, and he leaned more to the Irritated and Angry end of things anyways. Kaylee though, she looked six kinds of flustered, and couldn't seem to decide between trying to deny the implications or demanding Riddick not just drop her where he stood. It was a valid concern, as far as Zoe could see.

Jayne let out a bark of laughter, followed shortly by Mal, and that looked to be pretty much the last straw. Zoe lunged forward to catch Kaylee as Riddick tipped her forward and let go. A yelp and a few choice words as to the helpfulness of men, and she managed to get the young woman on her feet. She also managed to plant an elbow in Riddick's side. He grunted and glared, but she figured she was safe enough. Sometimes she even thought he might actually like her.

"Oh no no no," Kaylee was saying as she wobbled her way upright. "Riddick ain't mine. Heaven forbid! Nah," she grinned and reached out to pat his arm. "He jus' said that he might as well get me in. That way he wouldn' have ta listen ta me tryin' ta make it 'cross the yard without fallin' on my butt. I'm so pregnant right now; baby's liable to pop right out that were to happen."

"I've delivered babies before." That was Simon, easing his way past Riddick and shutting the door behind him. "But I'd rather not go through that out in the snow if it's all the same." He held out his hand to Jayne's mother. "Simon Frye," he said, bowing slightly. "Kaylee's husband."

The woman looked slightly flustered, but mustered up a smile for him. She was still watching Riddick, more curious now than wary. Zoe wondered if she should warn the woman that she was probably about to come in for one of the man's trademark mind games.

The River slithered up and placed herself in front of Riddick, dragging one muscled arm over her shoulders and wrapping her fingers around his wrist. "Mine," she said clearly, and gave the woman a smile full of teeth.

Riddick grinned and leaned back against the door, pulling River with him. Zoe rolled her eyes. _Ta ma de_ mind games indeed.  
"Ma," said Jayne into the quiet. "Where's Maddie?"

"Oh!" His mother blinked and looked away from the pair. "He's upstairs. This weather's been hittin' him kinda hard of late."

Jayne's face twisted into something Zoe'd never seen before, and he started for the other end of the room. "Gorramit Ma, why didn' ya tell me?"

"I didn' want ta worry you," she snapped back. "Ain't like you coulda done anythin' from where you were anyways!"

But it was too late. He was gone. Zoe winced at the sound of his heavy boots running up a set of very old stairs somewhere in the house. And his shout for his brother was only slightly muffled by the thin walls.

His mother sighed. "An' there he goes. Just like a bull in a china shop." She shook her head and looked back at the crew, who were all staring at the door their gun hand had run through. "Well, might as well siddown. I'll go put the kettle on. Then we can start getting' some plans lined out."

"Ah," Mal started forward. "I'm sorry. Plans?"

The woman leveled a look at the man that told Zoe exactly where Jayne had gotten his attitude from. "You don't think you people'll are gonna blow in here, let me see my son for the first time in a decade, and just leave do ya? Oh no. You're here at least through Christmas."

And with that she marched through the door, leaving a stunned Malcom Reynolds in her wake. Zoe counted in her head, watching the others watch him. The various members of the crew looked like they were visibly bracing themselves. Jayne's sister and the preacher just looked confused.

"River," Mal all but yelled, turning on his heel to glare at her.

The girl giggled once, gave Riddick's arm a tug, then bolted for the same door Jayne had vanished through, leaving a sputtering Captain, a poleaxed Mrs. Cobb, and a grinning Riddick in her wake.

**Author's Note**: I know. It's been a while we're FAR past Christmas. But I never expected to get this whole thing up before the holiday anyways. I got sucked into family stuff, and studying, and then an attempt to get _something_ written before I lost all my oomph. And then came the Small Fandom Big Bang challenge over on LJ and THAT had a deadline of…today. 10k words in a month. Less than actually. Easy peasy, so long as I could make myself sit down and write. That one will be going up here at some point.

Long and short? I still exist, I think there' s only two more chapters to this one, and then I plan to move on to some other stories. Please, please please, read and review. I love reviews. I do I do!

Many thanks to Shenandoah76209 for looking this over and telling me what looked screwy. BTW Shenandoah, Riddick and idiocy. Never would have thought those words would work together. But he really should START caring about what he's saying to people. And their reactions. He deserves what he gets, he's just not so much used to people being willing to call him on his BS.

Translations: (for the three people in the Firefly fandom who DON'T know XD )

_hwoon dahns- _bastard

_go se-_ dog shit

_Ta ma de- _fucking (motherfucking?)


End file.
